Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
