I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
