RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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