i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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