Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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