I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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