After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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