You can't special order awesome
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
