I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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