Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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