I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
