You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize