Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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