my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
