So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize