her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
