We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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