It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
