i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
