i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
