I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize