I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
