i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm too high and old for this...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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