the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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