there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
