Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
