At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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