Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
