You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize