I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
