you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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