you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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