It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
