He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
