Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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