Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have post one night stand depression
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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