I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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