I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
