Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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