True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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