So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
