Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
