Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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