obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
