I cockslap morals
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
