i permit you to call me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
