Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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