he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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