You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
