I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
