he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
