my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
