Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
