Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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