Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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