man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
