Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
