I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
