Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
