This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
