He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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