I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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