everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
