I can text with my tongue
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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