so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
