hotel room ftw
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
