I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
