Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
