I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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