Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
