I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
