people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
