my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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