Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
