why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
