i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
