when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
