So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize