ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
