So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
