Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
