Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize