He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
