woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
