I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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