I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
