Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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