i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
