My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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